A Queen Deposed


Objection: calls for speculation! I haven't studied law, but I have memorized Legally Blonde and watch Drop Dead Diva religiously. My lawyer objected, too, but I had to answer anyway, and, then later, a judge can adjudicate (as they are wont to do). I'm sure the schmuck had been delighted coming up with his question and boilerplate response to any answer forced. "How might [my bigoted former supervisor] have known that you are gay?

Let me count the ways...the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach... What: are you headless? Aren't you paying any attention to my internal dialog? It's lavender for Cher's sake, not lilac, aubergine or violet, not periwinkle, pansy nor plum, and certainly not purple...or even lavender blush (although that would be absoLUTEly DIvine). How can you seriously not recognize my fabUlosity?: "Well...as a linguist, I can tell you that there are various linguistic features that distinguish the language of gay men from that of straight, such as..." "That's a STEREOTYPE!" he interrupted over me, feigning surprise and indignation. Oh honey, did a purse just fall out of my mouth? Please! If only you had clutched your pearls, THAT would have been a stereotype, but what is a performance without props? Here, let me lend you mine, but I'll keep my fan so I can snap it open and begin fanning myself if ever you get the timing right: "It IS a scientific FACT. And, I DO display many of the features..." He quickly changed topics before I could elaborate, give any indication whatsoever of how science bears on his question, give other facts or object: opposing counsel is testifying AND being an ass.

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